Time to Shine!

When I was growing up, my mom would often use the word "shine" when describing someone. I remember hearing her say “They really shine!” when watching someone play baseball, lead a meeting, or bake a cake. I would watch the person she was referring to with curiosity. What was it that made her say that? How did she know when someone was shining? It was a word I heard her use to describe people from all walks of life, doing all sorts of things. “Shine” didn’t seem to be a quality that could be bestowed upon you, rather it came from within. Anyone could shine, but not everyone did. 

Over the years I came to understand what “shine” meant to my mother, and eventually to me, by absorbing the many instances in which it was used.  When someone was shining they were doing something that was engaging and made them happy. They did it well and they were successful at it, but their success was not defined in a traditional way. It was not about money or recognition, it was about the joy of doing something that was challenging and satisfying, doing it well, and fully enjoying the experience. I pictured these people literally glowing from the inside out. 

Later, I learned about the idea of “flow”, the state of mind that happens when someone becomes completely immersed in a task. Psychologist Mihály CsíkszentmihályiI said “The best moments in our lives are not the passive, receptive, relaxing times… the best moments usually occur if a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile.” I recognized this description, and could identify with it. Too little challenge, and I would be bored. Too much and I would shut down in frustration. When it was just right, it was absorbing and energizing. In a flow state, I would shine.

As a teacher, I could see the concept of flow in action every day. It was a pleasure to witness a student become engaged in their learning, fully absorbed in thinking and problem solving. It did not come easily to every student, for numerous reasons. I would do my best to help them, to find ways to ignite that glow, but sometimes it just would not happen in my classroom. It felt like a failure as a teacher. I could see a similar lack of ignition in people in my own life, in family members and friends. I recognized it in myself.

After quite a learning journey, I now understand that sometimes ADHD can be preventing people from slipping into that state of flow. When juggling a backlog of tasks and responsibilities, when life is not organized, when emotions tug at attention and cause focus to slip away from whatever is happening in the moment, it is really hard to shine. It is difficult to become that version of yourself that can joyfully embrace and experience learning and life, in whatever form matters most to you. It is incredibly frustrating. You know that glow is inside you, but you can’t find a way to let it out. 

I came to ADHD coaching with a desire to help people realize whatever goals they have. Success is a very individual thing; it looks different for everyone. Whether in academics, relationships, career, athletics, or in a thousand other ways, success is deeply personal and impacts one’s identity and life satisfaction. Coaching helps people identify what success means to them, what matters and aligns with their values. It helps identify the challenges and barriers that might be getting in the way, and find ways to manage them. It enables people to build strategies and support which make sense for their life and context. Coaching helps people living with ADHD find their way to shine, so they can share their unique talents and perspectives with the world.